Everything I Know, I Learned From Japanese Video Games
Hey, all. Loraan here again; it's been a while since I last posted (not since August... sheesh). Part of the reason I haven't been posting lately is that I've been immersed in Okami and haven't been interested in anything that doesn't involve brushstrokes. While playing the game, I've noticed that it relies on a lot of Japanese video game motifs that we're probably all pretty familiar with. This got me to thinking: what sort of life lessons would an otaku learn from years of playing Japanese games? So, since Ozymandias is off galavanting in the Land of Curious English Translations, I thought it would be appropriate to submit for your delectation my list of lessons learned from a Japanese video game:
- Money is never a problem. If you run short of cash, you can find a little extra by cutting the grass, smashing pots, and destroying personal property. In a pinch, attack the nearest monster: when monsters die, coins, gems, and valuable prizes will explode from their bodies (they're like living piñatas).
- Learn to swim: there is always a water level.
- It is perfectly fine to waltz into someone’s house, ransack the place, and take any useful artifacts you find. It does not matter if they are destitute: everyone has something that can be used to get money. Don’t be shy if they happen to be in their house at the time: they won’t mind!
- In order to help someone, you will first have to prove to them that you are worthy. This proof will come in the form of some sort of test. Usually, you will have to defeat them in some sort of personal combat; but sometimes, the test will come in the form of a race, dance, or a curious exercise in pushing blocks.
- Invest in ice-skates: there is always a snow level.
- Always wear good shoes. Getting ahead in life requires a lot of running around doing errands for others. Frequently, you will find yourself running back and forth between the same two locations because the people you are helping in one place are not organized enough to tell you everything you will need to get in the other.
- No matter what it takes, get fire-proof clothes: there is always a lava level.
- Girls wear few clothes, have large breasts, and often choose to wear armor that really does not protect very much at all.
- You will find a companion on your journey through life. This companion will either be tiny and talkative, or a cute, fuzzy animal. Either way, your companion will be incredibly annoying. Try though you might, you will not be able to kill the thing.
- Your nemesis always has tentacles and is bat-s**t insane... probably because of the tentacles.